my dirt road trail
I have never had a fondness for formal exercise. I can remember being in about 3rd grade and our teacher taking our class out to run to prepare us for the upcoming Field Day. I was the youngest and the smallest in my class and when we went to run I was always the very last in the pack. I just couldn't keep up no matter how hard I tried. I would huff and puff and feel so tired and like "I just can't do this! Why is she making me!?"
This frustration with running and aerobic exercise followed me through the rest of my years in school. In college I would take aerobic classes and even asked a friend to "teach me to run". And I would last about a week or two and then give up. I always felt terrible after exercise, and when others said, "I get MORE energy when I exercise" or "those endorphins make me feel wonderful", I would quietly roll my eyes.
{Disclaimer: I do like to be active! I love hiking and camping and swimming. Just at my own pace and not for the purpose of exercise...I just enjoy being out in it all!}
I started believing that my body just couldn't handle much.
In 2003 I started reading about midwives and natural childbirthing after feeling dissatisfied with my three birthing experiences. I decided that if I ever had another baby I wanted to give natural childbirth a go. When I got pregnant in 2005 with my 4th child, I knew that my time had come. In 2006, after a labor of only 4 hours, I peacefully had a waterbirth in my own bedroom. My labor wasn't too difficult or long and I felt very empowered. In 2009, I gave birth to another baby naturally...after only being at the hospital for 40 minutes. My active labor went by so quickly and I was very much in control of myself, the pain and birthing. Again I felt very strong and proud that I was able to overcome my fear that I wouldn't be able to birth naturally in a hospital setting.
Last year I became pregnant with my 6th child and believed that my birth would be natural, quick and fairly easy like the last two had been. However this pregnancy ended up being the most tiring pregnancy on my body...my joints and muscles hurt so much and I just ached most of the time. I was so ready to give birth and to get rid of all the achiness I had struggled with for so many months. When I went into labor, my body didn't fall into the groove of laboring fast. This labor ended up being 15 exhausting hours. I felt as if I just couldn't do it because I was SO tired. It was will-power and sheer physical endurance to make it to the blessed moment of birthing Henry. My attitude stunk most of my labor, but I kept going. I felt the Lord whisper to me later, "You can do hard things, Aimee!" That was the biggest lesson I learned from that birth. A very deep and vital lesson after living since childhood with a belief that I can't.
As I am inching my way closer to 40 and also continuing to feel the body-blues after having six children, I decided I would give "exercise" another chance in 2012. I remembered a friend doing Couch to 5K last year and decided I would give it a go. Let me tell you, this is huge for me. I am very anti-exercise :) So my dear husband said that he would do it with me and we began.
About 2 and 1/2 weeks into the program, I began to hate it. The jogging made me feel horrible and I had less energy for my family the day after exercising. My body hurt and I just thought, "See, I can't do this!" My husband kept encouraging me on and I begrudgingly continued. A few days ago, the program increased our jog time. That old rotten mindset of "you just can't do this, Aimee" began to taunt me. But then I remembered Henry's birth. The 15 hours of laboring when I didn't have any strength within me. And the Lord whispered, "You can do hard things, Aimee!"
And in that moment I knew that I CAN do this. I CAN complete this program. I can jog and soon run. I realized just how much of the battle to overcome something is mental. We have to speak truth to ourselves and remind ourselves of what God says about us and to us. And now? I actually began looking forward to the jogging segments. I began to look forward to pushing myself a little harder and seeing that my will makes my body move on.
I can do hard things.
