After many years of giving and sacrificing for my young ones, I hit a season of burnout. The non-stop years of tending little ones took its toll on my mind, emotions and spirit and I found myself in a place of neglect on many levels. It took me about a year or so to fully recover from that time, and it's a place I never want to revisit.
Unfortunately now, I can find myself creating emotional distance between myself and my children. Fearing that getting to close and serving them well will lead me down a dark road again. I know that's not true in my head...the truth about burnout was my pride that I could do it all, that I didn't need help, and that God would support and provide strength for my independent ways. I now have my life ordered in such a way that I have margin, help from others, and consistent time set aside for quiet planning and focus.
However, I have gotten lazy in my mothering this past year. Even though I am with my children every day homeschooling and living life together, I know I am often distracted in mind and heart. I know that unconsciously I have been viewing my children as an interruption to my life and my goals and can feel the creeping in of resentment when they seem too "needy".
I was saddened by this state-of-heart and knew that the Lord has been calling me to refocus and find my mothering heart again. It dimmed and was bruised during the season of burnout. I do well at intentional homemaking, but mothering? Oh, that relational giving and sacrifice can feel so hard and overwhelming to me.
So I decided to see if some other women would want to get together to discuss these mothering issues. It has resulted in getting together with a handful of other moms on Thursday nights to discuss Sally Clarkson's book Mission of Motherhood (and Sally's blog posts on mothering this past month have been absolutely amazing and encouraging! as have been Tonia's too!)
My heart is gently being led back to the heart of mothering that I once held so dear. And God is healing me in such a way that I know I can trust Him and His Sovereign Goodness as I embrace a call to servant motherhood. I am beginning to think intentionally again as to how I can really love my children in the small and simple. Modeling care, compassion, and service just as Jesus did with his disciples.
Tonight it begins with our Friday Family Movie Night. Normally the children watch a movie on their own and Mike and I retreat to our bedroom. But tonight we will watch a family movie together...and I am putting together a tray with popcorn put in these cool bags, boxed movie-theater-style candies, and IBC Root Beer bottles (with cool straws!) for everyone.
It's a small act of love that I know will thrill my children and it opens up my heart wider towards them and to enjoy their pleasure.
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13 comments:
Reading this was as if I had wrote it myself. Not all of it, but that burn out part. Then finding balance and then get easily fustrated when interrupted.
Thanks for sharing this and I will check into that book.
I think your kids are really blessed to have a mommy who can recognize when things are awry and who has such a heart for their welfare. Enjoy your fun night at the movies with your family!
This was beautiful and honest. I appreciate you sharing your heart in this way. I think we all struggle in one way or another in motherhood and I agree with Bonita that your children are blessed with your introspection.
God bless your mommyhood!
what an absolutely wonderful post. Just being in your home and around you for the short time I was gave me so much inspiration as a mother. I think you are doing wonderfully and I admire you as a mother. Tommy kin kin!! xxoo
I can definitely relate to these words. Thank you for bravely sharing where your heart has been and where it's going.
I think we were twins separated at birth. So what that I'm over twenty years older? I've gone through this same thing. It's scary to feel emotionally detached from your children for selfish reasons, isn't it?
Thank you for posting these lovely words! I needed to read them today!
That is so awesome! I could relate to your posts! I love how honest you are! I think lots of Mom's feel this way! I love Sally Clarkson! I missed her conference this year due to financial reasons. I'm going to find away to go next year!
Sounds like a very fun movie night!
~ Ali
I've added the Mission of Motherhood book to my list of ideas to bring to book club this month. Thanks so much!
I completely applaud your honesty. I respect that you were so open, and by being so, allowed other moms who are experiencing the same, to feel understood. Bravo for putting it all out there. It takes a lot of guts to be so transparant, but it's only in acknowleging our stuggles that we can begin to move forward. May God bless you for that.
~Kim
Thank you so much for this post. It was just what I needed when I first read it and I have already come back to read it again. Thank you, and I hope that your Family Night was awesome, and that your moments have been content.
Aimee...I loved reading this blog. It is the exact way that I have been feeling lately and the Lord is constantly reminding me to not grow weary and take care of them well. But, I still find those moments when I wish that someone would come and rescue me. :} I loved your family movie night idea! You are awesome!
I find Sally Clarkson's book to be an encouragement as well.
I have found browsing through your blog to be an encouragement as well.
I wonder how you are going as it was three weeks ago since your last post.
Enjoy the season.
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