Hiding Behind Stuff

I met two friends today. For the first time! These are fellow bloggers that I have "known" for close to three years and finally our paths converged in real time here at my home! It was so wonderful to have them here for a few hours of talking, discussing, sharing...time just went by way too fast. We barely scratched the surface!

In the days leading up to their coming, I sensed a gnawing frustration. I really wanted to go to Lowe's to buy new ferns for the front porch, pretty flowers for my pots, fresh herbs, and paint for my porches. A trip to World Market for new rugs...and maybe a fresh tablecloth. Oh yeah, it's Buy Nothing time.

This was the first time that my Buy Nothing experiment started to bother me. And I kept asking myself why? And after some soul-searching I realized that it's just so desirable to hide behind stuff. I'll buy some pretty things so you'll think I'm pretty. I'll make the porch look perfect so that you think I have my act together. I'll buy fresh rugs so you don't see how tattered I really am.

Usually I would have just gone and bought these new items without much thought. Or said "I am just trying to be hospitable!" But for me, I don't think that deep down it is as much about hospitality as it is about insecurity. I want them to like me. Or maybe I just want them to be distracted by my stuff so they never get the chance to see the real me. We complain that "we want to be known and understood" but do we really? Or do we just want our friends to know a false representation of ourselves?

So today I invited these generous ladies into my home as-is. No frills. No fuss. Just naked-in-soul, feeling-as-if-I-have-nothing-to-offer but myself. An odd vulnerability that says "please just receive me as I am". I felt such a deep freedom by approaching this visit this way...it was scary-wonderful and with no regrets!

And isn't that what we each ultimately really want in our heart of hearts? Unconditional acceptance? And to think that Jesus accepts me this way: without my spiritual posturing and pretense...as-is, no frills, no fuss.

Just as I am.


photo credit

Buy Nothing: Day 13

I have fallen into a good groove. All the "shopping sirens" that sang so loudly to me when I first started "buying nothing" have quieted down and not gotten the best of me.

I am learning to "use it up, wear it out, make do, do without"...just like our grandmothers had to. Especially the "make do" part. I am learning to use what I already have and to get creative.

Easter is coming and I am not allowing myself to buy new things for my children's (recycled!) Easter baskets (except for chocolate since I can buy that at the grocery store). This is HUGE for me. Today I have been making these darling bunny finger puppets with felt that I already have on hand. I was bummed that I didn't have pink felt and was so tempted to justify buying some, but I told myself no and that I can use the light blue, light green and yellow that I have. That I don't need the pink. And they are turning out so cute and I realized that if I hadn't given myself these boundaries, I would have jumped in the car this afternoon and wasted time, energy and money just to get pink felt. Nuts, I tell you.

I am also going to make them some Rice Krispie treats and put some orange jellybeans into some of those clear triangular-shaped icing bags and tie the top with green curling ribbon to look like carrots. I already have all of those supplies on hand!

I am so relieved that I won't be able to be tempted by the Dollar Spot in Target or that more cheap plastic toys won't make it in this year. I won't have to de-clutter a few weeks after Easter because none of it will come in our home in the first place! Oh sweet relief of "doing without"!

My time of not buying has really simplified my life. I am spending less gas and emotional energy and really do find myself in an uncommon place of contentment with what I have. I like the challenge of finding what I need within the walls of my home. I am amazed at how on one day I will feel such a sense of urgency to have a particular thing and then just a few days later I have completely forgotten about it...which shows me just how impulsive and demanding I can be. As crazy as it sounds, I am really enjoying seeing myself in these ways. And I feel such grace and love from Jesus and tangibly sense Him meeting my needs. It's good.


photo by pejnolan

Beware the "Good Deal"

It's the "good deal" that contributes to my ever increasing stash of stuff. I love being thrifty and stumbling onto a "treasure" at a thrift store. I love finding cute clothes on a clearance rack for a couple of dollars. I love close-outs. I love hunting the end-cap aisles at Target. I love finding online "free shipping" codes. Library book sales make me giddy. A good Saturday morning yard sale sets me on an emotional high for a few days!

When I start looking around my home, I see so many of my "good deal" acquisitions. So many of these things have truly blessed our lives here. Some items are great, but really not needed (another vintage apron, anyone?) Other things are wonderful, but we have too many of them (i.e. games and books). And other things were awful duds (rollercoaster Knex with millions of pieces!?)

Recently I unsubscribed from any "couponing" blog or website. I had starting looking at these early in February (probably out of sheer winter boredom!). The sense of buying urgency that those sites give you is incredible. My heart would start pounding as a "good deal" would pop up on my screen...and the words "quick" and "offer ends soon" and "hurry" always seemed to be there. And so I bought more stuff. And later regretted it because I knew we didn't really need it, but hey, "it was a good deal!"

Somehow that one little phrase has given me justification to spend, spend, spend. Why does the "good deal" make uncontrolled spending the right thing to do? I ask these questions because I haven't done so before.

I will continue to enjoy a "good deal" but with some warnings:

• just because it is a good deal doesn't mean that I need it! Ask myself, "Do I really need this? Do my kids really need this?"
  
• the good deal distracts me from the good life...it drives me to focus a lot of my time on acquiring more things and not giving my time to people...it's deceptive that way.
  
• don't hunt down finding good deals...let the good deals find me...a much better quality of life! For me this means stop looking at store circulars, flyers, websites, etc. Those things make me feel like I have to go get the good deal or I am missing out. If I am in a store and stumble upon a "good deal" on something we need, then great!
  
• a good deal means I am bringing another thing home that needs to be organized. Before I buy, ask myself, "where will I put this?"
• even though an item is a fiscal "good deal", is it an emotional good deal?? Meaning: it's not ultimately a good deal if it drains me emotionally because of the up-keep, storage, and organizing of it. Clutter drains life.

It's Saturday morning and I feel restless. There is an emotional place in me that wants to go drive around to all my thrift shops and buy, buy, buy! The lure of the "good deal" is strong! That restlessness is powerful and it will take some serious self-control this morning to not go hunt down the "good deal". I want to take that restless energy and turn it into energy for my kids and husband or my creative self today. Instead of following that shop-for-deals urge, I can garden. I can sew. I can play kickball with my kids. I can take a nature walk. I can journal, read, draw, decorate, nap! (Well, a nap won't happen, but I can dream, right?!)

The thrill of a good deal is amazing. And it certainly isn't wrong. But in re-ordering my life, I desire for my "thrills" to come primarily through relationships with others and loving service. I want the amazing emotional high that you get when you sacrifice and make another person happy. Giving is a powerful antidote to depression. The insatiable urges of the "gimmes" actually make us more depressed!

May we have the grace to walk the path of the good deal of giving...the thrill of seeing others loved well!


photo by Dreamer7112

Day 5: Buy Nothing

Since I started this spending freeze, I have spent a lot of time really paring down. If I don't love it, it leaves. If my kids no longer play with it, it leaves. If it doesn't fit right, it leaves.

As of yesterday, the house is really beginning to feel under control and easier to pick up. I still have a few cabinets in the kitchen to weed through and two upstairs storage closets...but because it's been so much easier to pick up and get things put away, I have actually had some free time on my hands!

Having less minutes in my day that are committed to organizing and tidying means more time for:

• playing Go Fish with my 6 year old for 30 minutes
• taking a spontaneous nature walk two of my sons for 45 minutes
• laying in the hammock with my baby for 30 minutes
• reading The Gift of an Ordinary Day for an hour
• reading a stack of picture books to my 3 year old for 30 minutes
• playing peek-a-boo with my baby for 5 minutes
• making my children paper booklets on my sewing machine for 10 minutes
• taking a nap for 45 minutes
• dinnertime devotional and conversation about communion for 10 minutes

Normally I don't feel like I can really enjoy and enter into these moments because my mind is racing forward with all that I know that I need to do in the house (having a large family has made me realize that if I don't keep on top of things then we sink under chaos rather rapidly!) With less stuff to manage and holding my children accountable to put their things away, I actually have moments of true relaxing with my children and not feeling guilty for it!

Just by de-cluttering and reminding my children to put away their things, I gained over 4 hours of time building relationships...focusing on people instead of my stuff!

4 extra hours in my day? Really? This is getting good.


photo by Ames2880

Home Management Overload

As I peruse the topics on the covers of magazines, there is a word that pops up over and over again: organization. That word is everywhere. Why? Because we have so much stuff to deal with that we are crying out for someone to help us get it under control! So we read the articles and swear that it's time to buy new baskets, new shelving, new bins and give everything a place. And as soon as we spend that $200 on all the fancy bins, guess what? More stuff has made its way in the house and now what do we need? MORE organizational solutions.

I can give you the best organizational tip you will ever need: DE-CLUTTER.

If you don't own it, you don't have to organize it.

We don't need as much as we think we do. Releasing our stuff feels good...these simple acts of giving-away are actually putting me on a "high"! When we hoard and hold things tightly, are we living by faith or by fear? Can we release and trust that God will meet our needs when we have that need?

The other day I visited a site that gave detailed instructions on making a Home Management Binder along with a video to watch. I watched about two minutes of the video and felt....exhausted. When your life is cluttered with too much stuff, too much house, too many activities, then you need big thick binders with 12 tabs. But if you choose to simplify in all of these areas, the binder is no longer needed! The cleaning needs are simple and easy to spot and do. The house is small enough with clear spaces and places that organization is minimal. Limited activities on the calendar means just a nice family calender on the side of the frig. Home management doesn't need to be complex with detailed lists and sections and reminders and on and on and on. It can be simple and intuitive... if we want it to be!

My sister and I were discussing the issue of stuff the other day, and I will leave you with what she said: "my goal is...to walk into the summer with a clean, empty home and time to concentrate on living each day instead of managing each day."

That's my goal too: more LIVING and less managing!


photo by calosa

Day 4: Buy Nothing

I am giddy. Really!

Every little day that passes there is this crazy sense of relief that I am not allowing myself to purchase anything. My brain is clearing. I am less distracted. I am more content and creative.

My thoughts move more readily in the direction towards giving more than getting more.

I *feel* more thankful for what I already have. I appreciate more of what I have received. I see my belongings with new eyes. I have a heart-rest and my longings are finding their cries met in Him. True heart-relief.

Really? After only 4 days? Yes. And I still have 20 more days of these good lessons!

Day 1: Buy Nothing

Within two hours of posting yesterday, I was mentally bombarded four different times with things I wanted to go buy.

Walked onto the back porch: "I need to go buy fresh rugs for this porch".

Took a web detour through Amazon: "Man I really need to place an order for more books."

And you know what? I can't even remember the other two. I DO remember how shocked I was that my mind went to purchasing new things exactly 4 times in 2 hours. I would have never been aware of that unless I was on this buying freeze.

Where are all of these consumptive thoughts coming from? And did you notice that I used the word "need" twice? Where did I get the idea that I need these things...because I really don't need them, I just really want them.

This buy nothing thing is a great experiment because it really shows me how much I think about stuff and acquiring stuff. Very eye-opening.

So this morning I have spent lots of time decluttering my master closet of clothes and shoes. I actually think I could go back in there and cull even more. This post really inspires me to keep my wardrobe with only items that are quality, versatile and simple. How liberating!

Then I went through my kitchen and got rid of any excess...bowls, unused items, aprons, small appliances and decorative trinkets. That felt SO good too!

We have two birthdays coming up and I momentarily panicked because I thought, "Oh No! I HAVE to buy them something!" But once I calmed down and thought clearly about it, I have a lovely gift that I know these two people will appreciate and love...and it's a much more thoughtful gift than what I would have purchased.

Finally, a beautiful thing happened this afternoon. I was reminded that a dear friend's little girl went home to be with Jesus two years ago today. And because I know we have extra money right now AND that it won't be going to more stuff for us, I was able to go online and purchase a cheery bouquet of flowers to be sent to their home.

I had tears in my eyes realizing that when I stop thinking about stuff and buying stuff, I really am able to love better.

And that's what it's all about.

Buy Nothing Month

I have been pondering an action step to all of my musings about too much stuff but hadn't really come up with anything. But last night I watched the No Impact Man documentary and it was so awesome to watch this couple make intentional changes to break free from their consumeristic mindset to surprisingly finding... joy. It seriously brought tears to my eyes watching them play gin rummy by candlelight.

Through watching the film, I was reminded of the Compact...the experiment many people did a few years ago when you buy nothing new for a year...which means you are allow to buy used through Goodwill, yard sales, thrift stores, Craig's List, etc.

I thought "I don't want to just buy nothing new for a period of time...I want to BUY NOTHING period." Our family doesn't need anything new OR used! Seriously!

So I finally came to this conclusion: I think I am going to buy nothing until Easter (April 4th). Except for food and toiletries.

It's all about wanting a better quality of life...not just to deprive myself. I want my focus to get off of stuff and onto spending my resources (time, energy and money) on people. And during this time, my goal is to get rid of anything I don't deem useful or beautiful that is in our home. Pare down to the essentials.

It's only for 24 days. Anyone care to join me?

Weary of Stuff

I had a breakdown of sorts last week. I went upstairs to face my sons' bedroom and the "playroom" and it was not pretty. I mean NOT PRETTY. I spent 3 1/2 hours cleaning and organizing those two spaces. It was awful. I was mad and fuming and upset about it all. The conclusion I came to? We have TOO MUCH STUFF!!

As I cleaned I couldn't help but picture the millions of families around the world who have next to nothing. Simple dwellings with few things. Not much stuff. In the earlier years of my life I looked down on those cultures with a sense of pity...oh, I wish those poor people had more! I felt like we as Americans had the good life and the good stuff and aren't I so glad that I don't live there?!

Now I have come to see how truly rich those people are. Rich in simplicity, priorities, relationships. As I cleaned those rooms, I envied those cultures. I felt a sense of pity for me. How distracted I am by stuff! How much energy is drained on organizing my stuff! How much time is spent trying to get a good deal, perusing catalogs, rummaging through thrift stores for more stuff?!

On Friday I grieved and told my husband that I don't want to look back on my life when I am 80 and realize that most of my time on earth was spent organizing and rearranging and fiddling with stuff. My kids don't get my best hours...my stuff does. My kids tend to get my leftovers after all the stuff has been dealt with. It's a sobering realization.

I don't have any clear answers right now as to where I will go from here. But clearly there needs to be a serious shift in priorities. Paring down and simplifying even more.