As I was nearing the end of last week, I had a few rocky days. Spiritual turmoil and confusion. No matter where I turn I seem to always hear "the voices" of the Christian world telling me their opinions on this and that with the subtle message that their thoughts are God's thoughts and their ways are His ways for everyone. These voices influence me as I sit in the morning to open the Word...
I feel so unsure when I approach the Word. I read it with many of these commentators and Bible teachers' voices whispering their own particular interpretation of the passages. Stress starts building in my mind and heart. It causes me to question and wonder what it really means that the Holy Spirit will guide us into all truth?
I read the Word as a former minister to college students with shades of the Great Commission and discipleship influencing how I should apply the passages and I begin to feel that sinking feeling of "oh no, I am not doing enough for the kingdom".
I read the Word as one spiritually abused in a home church gone awry; these very words I read cause me to flinch as if I am about to be spiritually slapped by a righteously indignant and berating God who wants nothing less than sinless perfection.
I read the Word with the subtle influences of many--charismatics, evangelicals, theologians and authors from many backgrounds--each with their own version of "truth".
This was the heart-backdrop when I entered church on Sunday...a sense of foreboding.
As an 81 year old pastor (whom I had never heard before) began to speak, I thought, "How can I add another voice to the cacophony of 'authorities' swirling around in my head?" I was about to leave...the spiritual panic was drowning me.
But this gentle man shared his heart humbly.
"I don't know all the answers--I am still learning." He's been a pastor for over 50 years. He shared thoughts on prayer that are simple with the tone of kindness and encouragement--not as a "spiritual giant" who's trying to push me or convict me. I could hardly hear what he was saying because I was so overcome with how beautiful it was to be with him. His spirit exuded humility and simplicity and love.
Through this humble servant, I was reminded of the Word. Not the written Scriptures but the Word made flesh--Jesus. The Humble and Gentle One who gathers children, touches the broken, meets the needy, heals the broken-hearted, upholds the weak, and even fishes with friends. This Word doesn't make me shy away in fear. This Word by His very nature beckons me to touch the hem of His garment--to ask for healing for my spiritual diseases, to be settled by His presence, to learn from His gentle ways. The Authority of humility and service and love.
So I turn my attention away from the voices of Christianity that demand of my spirit and turn to the Voice of One who offers rest for my soul. I make my focus Jesus--not words on a page, not "right theology", not teaching of men, not principles for living.
Oh, to be a humble servant as He is.
A voice to others that points to His Voice.
Work that in me, Jesus, work that in me.
17 comments:
This post really touched me. Such true heart-felt words. I have been trying to listen more for Jesus' still, soft voice lately. I too have become exhausted by the barrage of opinion and doctrine of others.
Thank you so much for this wonderful, honest post...it has really spoken to my heart.
God bless, xx
What a beautiful thing, to see Jesus through his servant. Thank you for sharing.
"A voice to others that points to His Voice." You just did.
Years and years ago, as a young wife and mother, I devoured every book on Christian living I could get my hands on. I would read with such determination to do everything the writers said and promptly fall very far short. The end result was such discouragement.
I finally heard the Spirit whisper to my heart gentle words of encouragement - to spend time in the word on my own and allow Him to teach me the things He had for me. If others could hear then so could I.
I set aside those books and picked up the Book - such peace.
Oh Aimee, you have made me long for this word with new urgency. This 81-year-old man was being a good and humble ambassador of the Word he was preaching it sounds like.
I am taken by the way you open yourself and share your heart in this post. In doing that, you have ministered to me (and I'm sure any who read it). What a gift the Lord brought in the humble pastor who ignited the fire for Jesus, the Word.
This is what really hit home: "I make my focus Jesus--not words on a page, not "right theology", not teaching of men, not principles for living." Thank you.
What a beautiful post - thank you for sharing this.
I had a conversation lately with a non-believing friend of mine. She told me that she felt bad about faith because of the church and the way God is described by the pastors and because the church used to convey a feeling of shame and guilt on her. (in Germany the churches are very conservative/catholic).
And I was so happy to let her know that it is NOT about the church and what the pastor says. It is not about getting all the religious rituals right and it is not about guilt or anything like that.
It is about Jesus. And it is about the personal relationship we have to God in our hearts. And God loves us so tremendously - every one of us. And he will speak to us in our hearts if we are listening to him.
I don't know what my friend was thinking about my words because she was quiet afterwards. I don't usuall talk to others about my faith much (most of my friends don't believe in God). But then I felt so good about letting her know that it is not the outside that counts the most but what is going on in your heart and in your relationship with God. :-)
Boy can I relate!! For years I had trouble coming to God's Word without feeling panicky and shell-shocked. It's been a slow work of the Holy Spirit to begin to discern His voice and hear His truth instead of all the other "voices."
I make my focus Jesus--not words on a page, not "right theology", not teaching of men, not principles for living...
Amen...sister...amen.
Incredibly beautifully put and oh so true.
PS Did you take this photo? It's amazing!
what a beautiful post and a wonderful reminder!!
I am bombarded by the voices you mentioned, added to the "THEY" of parenting, decorating, cooking, cleaning, etc. etc. EXPERTS....man, you could go crazy with all those voices!!!!
I tell ya....simpler is better. I'm learning that. Serve the people around them. Love others. Give. Soooo simple.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
This is beautiful, Aimee!! Thank you for sharing it with us. I so identify with your struggle and share in the relief that comes from the antidote. "So I turn my attention away from the voices of Christianity that demand of my spirit and turn to the Voice of One who offers rest for my soul." I love how you contrast demand and rest. I find that Jesus, Himself, is never demanding but always inviting...if I can only quiet all those other voices around me with the subtle message of the "right way" when HE Himself IS the way. Come to ME...and you will find rest for your soul.
Like.
Good word, great reminder. "how beautiful it was to be with him." Wow...what a compliment. I hope when I'm 81 my heart will resonate the same kind of humility and love. Actually, when I'm 42 I'd be good with that too!
(Cousin of Simply Authentic btw!)
Wow. You have no idea how much this speaks to me right now. I agree with you about not following a specific theology or any "man-made" forms of the Bible.
I have a friend who just recently told me she is a Calvinist- it has certainly stirred a lot of questions in my heart. It is not something I agree with- as you said, a theology.
I could write a whole lot on this but I wanted to thank you for sharing your heart. This has touched me very deeply- so thankful there are others out there who feel the same.
God bless you and your family!
P.S. Noticed a typo in my original comment thus the re-posting ;)
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