Sunday, July 19, 2009
I am just being quiet these days. I feel like I am officially "done" with nesting. Sure, there are things here and there that I would like to see completed, but I am content with what I have gotten accomplished.
And now the waiting-for-baby game begins :)
I am 39 weeks pregnant today. I feel a bit like a waddling gnome. And SC summers are HOT! We have had a milder weekend weather-wise and that has been so nice. I am seeking to rest...and more than rest for my body, I find that I really need heart-rest. I am a bit anxious, a bit emotional...my patience runs thin with my children right now. I worry about juggling the upcoming needs of a newborn, my personal needs, my home, my marriage, my children's schooling, and my children's hearts.
I need big doses of drinking in Jesus' love and grace and forsaking all forms of unrealistic ideals and perfectionism. I shudder at being needy, and here I am at the cusp of entering a "needy" season of life. A season where I must ask for help. I must confess my needs to a community. A season of feeling "undone" in many ways...my i's won't be dotted and my t's won't be neatly crossed. "Control" proves itself to be an illusion yet gracious acceptance can be my reality (and a much healthier reality, I might add!)
Why do we fight so much against "hard"? My children hear me say regularly, "hard isn't bad"...we learn so many incredible lessons about God and ourselves and others when life is difficult and pressing. These are the times when my eyes "look to the hills from where my Help comes from". The times when I slow down, I depend on Jesus, and know that His resources are enough. I am reminded that God plus nothing equals enough.
So I seek to cease striving and instead to accept my circumstances. Instead of clinging to fear and anxiety, to receive peace and the assurance of Sovereignty's hands holding fast to mine. That His goodness and love isn't going anywhere...it's here to stay. And that He will meet me and shower me with mercy and kindness through any upcoming "hard".
On a side note, I read this post tonight and loved it...may we all be enjoying and creating "new normals" that are healthy and rich for our lives!
photo by Ben