Friday, December 12, 2008
Isn't it crazy when our plans that we think are sure and right crumble down around us? I pictured our December evenings full of Scripture readings, candles, Christmas carols, and pointing my children to Jesus. An idyllic daily family worship time. Simplicity and quiet and beauty.
Instead, we spend our evenings with Pat Sajak and Alex Trebek.
Yep, the morning sickness that is really evening sickness for me has completely over-run my plan. I am on the couch feeling miserable and almost paralyzed and the only thing that distracts me is Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. Honestly, it's one of the highlights of the day.
Every evening the whole family gathers together on our two couches under blankets and cuddling close to call out "L! S! T!" or "What is Peru?" We are laughing and learning and chilling out for that hour. What started out as reflective readings and a Jesse Tree book and prayer is now solving word puzzles and testing our trivia knowledge.
It always seems that when I make a seemingly wonderful religious plan, God shows up and says no. I even look back to November and realize that I was subconsciously thinking "God will be more honored and pleased with me if we really do Advent this year". I need to prove to Him that it's about Him and not about stuff. I need to worship well so that there are no holiday regrets. I must, I need, I will show....it's all about me. Was it ever about Him? Who knows...there seems to be mixed motives in everything.
A dear friend said to me this morning "God knew you would be pregnant in December 2008". This was His plan for me. Instead of having my spiritual game on, I am sick, broken, needy, irritable, and probably irritating. I can't be perfect this Christmas season. I can't perform well. I don't show up to worship. I need grace.
So my Christmas season is loud and unpredictable and full of TV specials. No cookies have been baked and we are eating frozen meals from Super Suppers. But oddly, I sense His love and grace and freedom to be where I am. That all His goodness and love and presence can't be erased or earned...it's His permanent Christmas gift to me.
I feel I have nothing to offer Him this year, yet He has given it all. His Life. His Love. His Sufficiency. His Grace. His Goodness. His Mercy. His Righteousness.
To me and to you.
Joy to the World!